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Carry Me Home: The Story Behind the Music

Sir Nicholas Young was singing my large-scale choral work Begin with Woodbridge Choral Society towards the end of 2023. He emailed me to congratulate me on the piece, describing it as “stunningly beautiful” and saying he was “loving every thrilling second of it!”. I wrote Begin to celebrate my recovery from a difficult divorce.

Nick reminded me that we used to worship together at Ipswich Minster (then St Mary-le-Tower) back in the early 1990s. I found myself going back 35 years in my mind, remembering his three sons, with whom I used to sing at the Minster – we also attended St Margaret’s Primary School together. Nick then asked whether I would consider writing a piece to celebrate Alex’s life on the tenth anniversary of his death by suicide.

We had a video call, during which I shared a vivid memory of Alex from primary school. I remember him standing in front of me in the playground at St Margaret’s, with his mop of bright blonde hair. Suddenly, he dashed to the brick wall on the other side of the playground, and then – as if by magic – he reappeared in front of me again. It felt like he was in two places at once. He was that strong and fast. The last time I saw Alex was in primary school, as the Young family moved to London in 1991, but I can still see him clearly in my mind. It felt like a moment of quiet destiny to be asked to write this piece, and I was deeply honoured to say yes.

Over the following months, as I composed Carry Me Home, I visited Nick and Heli several times in their beautiful home in Bredfield, Suffolk. I spoke to Alex’s brothers, Ed and Tom, and to his best friend Sean. I saw many photographs of Alex and gained a strong sense of his spirit. He was an easy-going, high-achieving young executive in the City, with a quirky sense of humour and the cheekiest of grins! His infectious energy and effortless charisma meant that he was the life and soul of any gathering.

He could also be counted on for his wisdom and empathetic ear when friends or family were going through difficult times. He was a gifted sportsman – particularly in rugby and athletics – which didn’t surprise me at all, given my early memory of him. He also continued his musical life by singing in choirs and playing the saxophone.

After much deliberation, we settled on the title Carry Me Home, a phrase from the spiritual Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. The song has long been adopted by rugby fans, which is why it is referenced in the work. The piece also includes an arrangement of a song composed by Alex’s younger brother Tom, as well as the much-loved hymn Lord of All Hopefulness. The saxophone features prominently throughout the piece, representing Alex – or, more broadly, the human spirit.

It was an honour to work so closely with Nick and Heli in creating this truly unique choral work, which speaks to universal themes of loss, growth, hope, and freedom. Carry Me Home is a journey from darkness and despair towards light and peace, and is dedicated to all those who have lost a loved one in a sudden and unexpected way.

On 21 March 2026, Carry Me Home received its premiere in Ipswich as part of a very special concert, with proceeds supporting the suicide prevention charity Papyrus. Nearly 500 people were in attendance. Benedict Collins Rice conducted the Ipswich Chamber Choir. Before the performance, Ged Flynn, CEO of Papyrus, gave a powerful talk about the charity’s vital work.

I then spoke about Alex and the piece.

After the performance, I received many deeply moving comments about the music that I will treasure forever:

“We will be thinking and talking about last weekend for a long time to come. What an unforgettable experience and a magnificent way to honour and remember your Al. Ben Ponniah is a genius and how very special to have worked with him along the way to shape his composition. The soaring sax, the singing, and Ibrahim’s recitation of the Ayatul Kursi were highlights.”

“It’s hard to articulate how beautiful, moving, poignant and celebratory the concert was on Saturday. I cried a lot and I’m sure others did too. It was an overwhelmingly emotional experience. Beautifully composed and exquisitely performed.”

“What a star is young Ben to have composed such a beautiful piece – the saxophone, the hymn, Carry me Home – it was amazing.”

“What a wonderful piece Ben has written – so accessible and melodic. So moving. How proud Alex would be.”

The concert seemed to open a space for people to share difficult personal stories, and it was a privilege to witness such honesty, connection, and what felt like genuine healing. 

One woman told me that her son had died by suicide – and, remarkably, that he was also called Alex and played the saxophone. She said that Carry Me Home had given her somewhere to place her grief.

Nick later sent me a letter following the premiere. In it, he wrote: “You brought Alex’s spirit to life, in music – a quite incredible achievement.”